last two weeks.

the past two weeks have been... great. first there was the beautiful week of concerts. marcus dawes on sunday, SLEEPING AT LAST on monday, and... PHIL... WICKHAAAAAM on thursday!! holy mackerel. what a week. the pics below are at phil's concert. 

hi. phil. let's be friends! 

moving forward: after the week of concerts, sara and i finished the final leg of our visa race and went to houston for our interview. it was quite interesting. the entire time throughout my little 15 minute interview, the consulate found out i was a graphic designer, and decided he wanted to turn my interview sheet over and sketch an idea he had that he'd been wanting to have designed. it was quite interesting for sure. haha. i thought he was just kidding, but after checking my e-mail... let's just say we are on a first-name basis. unfortunately i don't have nearly enough time to work on that...being as i'm leaving the country in FOUR DAYS!!! Wahoooo!! 

if nothing else, though, aside from the silly interview and ridiculous drive...there was the container store! few people know this about me... but i have an obsession with certain water bottles i found a few years back. i take them everywhere with me. unfortunately petey chewed them up so i've been without for quite some time. thanks to sara's good eye, though... that no longer has to happen. LOOK AT MY GREAT FIND! 

you just can't even fathom how pumped up i was/am to have found these great bottles! and they're only $4!! such a small price to pay for relentless satisfaction! :)

Here it is. the beautiful beautiful piece of paper i've been waiting to have in my hands for the past two months...

I GOT MY VISA!!! THEY ARE ACTUALLY LETTING ME LIVE IN THEIR COUNTRY FOR A YEAR??? 

those crazy koreans! :D 

i leave next wednesday, november 5th at 7:10 in the am. that is awfully early and will prove to be a tiring day, but my heart is spinning with excitement. it is almost surreal to think this time next week i'll be on an entirely different continent for at least a year. how much growth will take place! wa-hoo! 

alright. my cat, kitty, decided to crawl upon my keyboard so i'm assuming i ought to catch some shut-eye and pay some attention to the poor lass. 

much love,

kam-dogg.

pictures and update.

i love this kid!

this is brody. one of my oldest chums 3 year old son. he only smiles for me. apparently. and boy when he does... it melts my heart. this is the picture he took of us. his momma, sarah, just had a little baby boy in september so i got to take their family portraits at the park. 

 

  

now. i took about 400 pictures of all of them, but brody is just too adorable not to post the photos of him. what a cutie. 

moving forward: 

sara and i found out that we are leaving (unofficially officially) november 5th! yeaaa boiii. to say i'm ready to go is like saying snow is kinda white -  it's quite the understatement. i'm going stir-crazy waiting. all of our visa paperwork is chillin' at the embassy, so now we wait on them to email us with a date and time to do our interview. after that, we're free to enter korea for a year with no worries...aside from the ideas of non-enjoyable food. i'm incredibly anxious to start this period of my life. i think it's going to be absolutely wonderful. korea is one of the most beautiful secrets that no one knows about. so hopefully, after i get there and take pictures, i can spread the word. 

on another note, i went to a sleeping at last concert that had the ability to make me want to weep for days. they were monstrously incredible. holy mackerel. amaaazing. i took a picture with the adorable lead singer, and talked to his mother (my future mother-in law). i think we will really enjoy korea. :) 

hope this finds you all boomingly well. 

take care,

kam-d0gg. 

wahooooooiiieeee!!

'eya pals, chum-a-roos, buddies'0 mine. 

great news! i am leaving the great state of Texas at 6:02 in the WEE mornin' of november 7th for Korea! from ama i fly to dallas, TOKYO FREAKING JAPAN, then seoul, so kor  around 9 in the pm. i'm unsure at this moment about how we get from seoul to tongyeong, but i'm simply in sheer delight that we are finally going!! 

(all we have to do now is go to houston and get our visa final....cross yo' fingers that all works out well!)

yippeeeee! wahooooo! yeehaaaw! allllriiiighty! damn straight! 

my excitement is obvious! i shall update more once i know. i'm just ready to goooo!! 

*anyone who wants to hook me up with a few benjamins for my south korean adventure, please feel free. i accept checks, credit, cash, gift cards (which go into cash)... hahaha. 

much love my people,

kam-diggity-dogg. 

booo.

i have a little time before my next photo shoot, and wanted to write real quick. so here goes. 

seldom are there times in my life where my soul realizes a soul i'm seeing for the first time with the recognition of a long lost friend; perhaps that of a sister/brother from a previous era i can't recall. anyhow...it is a rarity amongst times, so when it does happen, i like to cash in on it as quickly as possible. just the idea of it puts me in a whirl of excitement. even so that dr. seuss' "oh the places you will go" book cycles inside my mind to upcoming thoughts of conquering the foreign land ahead. i digress. i feel as though i found a kindred spirit over the last month. someone who i was sure would make my time in korea that of the most enjoyable kind. but yet news continues to ramble about their disappearance the second i arrive.  even more so,  my arrival begets their departure. that's not supposed to happen. not like that. and that, in itself, is enough to bring me to tears. granted, it was only a feeling of connection i was sure of, but nonetheless - i was sure of it, without a reservation in sight. now, i'm a firm believer in all things happening for a reason, but i'm still totally bummed that the chance is gone for an assured soul connection. 

i know of nothing else to say but that my disappointment is too much right now.

bah humbug. bah. bah humbug. 

live now.

i freakin' LOVE music - with deeply rooted, untamable love. love. love. love. it is pulsing within me as i write. i'm actually typing in rhythmic style to my beloved beloved phil. phil wickham. ooh, baby. 

i love even more emphatically hymns. they soothe parts of me i wasn't aware needed soothing. phil, at this exact moment, is singing at the top of his lungs 'how great thou art'... and it's amazing to me, that God gifts people with these kinda talents to bring people closer to Him. that is so rad. and it's something i don't take nearly enough advantage of. the story goes something like this: 

i am not a fan of compliments. for some unknown reason they just don't bode well with me. hearing them makes me feel unheard of amounts of awkwardness. so to avoid such nonsense, i hide my skills and talents under a prickly bush and hope no one comes in their direction. i say prickly because it's not comfortable - not using my talents, i mean. i don't like the fact that i hide the greatness within me. i think all the time about how exceptional it'd be to just stand on the corner in an open box with an open heart blaring at the top of my lungs whatever is on my heart. such could also be said for the art i could create. i'm fully aware that art and music are the two things in life i was meant to create. some people are great chefs, of this i am not remotely close to. i can count on beanie weenies and that's about as far as i go in that direction. some people are great presidents. i couldn't tell you any of their names or parties, so again, not my thing. some people are doctors and vets and the 13 years of college type of people, i get antsy just sitting in church for 50 minutes.

  [actually... to tell you the truth, in high school i was in the health occ. program where i was able to be involved in different hospitals/procedures/surgeries/clean-up extravaganzas, etc. and there was one point where i was helping with a hysterectomy. yes. you read correctly. a hysterectomy. and the lady was coming out of a coma as the doctor was stitching her up. yes. disturbing, i know. but all the while, while her legs were starting to flinch, all i could think about was how bored i was and how i wanted to be drawing or doing something 'productive'...] 

that right there gave me sheer evidence that medicine wasn't my knack. since i was a wee pup, all i've loved is drawing and music. i remember thinking how proud i was that all the other kids in preschool sucked at coloring and that i could color perfectly inside the lines. granted, it'd take me all day but i was bound and determined to have the best plastic place mat out of my class! i remember how terribly heartbroken i was when we had a robbery occur at our house while we were out of town... and the ONLY thing stolen was my karaoke machine. yes. this is not a lie. they only stole my karaoke machine. (do not even attempt to say that they were trying to make a point...i sang boysIImen beautifully back then..ha) i think i cried for days. it still ticks me off. jerk faces! why would you steal a kids karaoke machine? that's like taking my left hand. i mean, i didn't really need it...but it was awfully useful. gah-lee. ruthless robbers. why bother to steal our big tv or movies or furniture... everyone wants a karaoke machine, apparently! (sorry...i'm still bitter. i've yet to let that go. i just loved it so...) ha. moving on.

all this to say, really,  that God instills within us snippets of who he is in all of his glory and perfection. and when we use that glimpse to its fullest... creation happens. and the way we feel when we use those segments of him - it's unexplainable. i can say without a doubt that the joy i feel after i've painted something that needed let out of me, or after i've written a song that i know could change anyone who read it ... it's phenomenal. it really is. but it's a shame, as well...because i, alongside everyone else, rarely tap into the potential we have within us. potential just bursting at the seams to get out! beauty is all around us, but even more so it's deeply rooted within us. sometimes we are ashamed to have such beauty when we don't feel it ourselves, and other times the world tells us it's not good enough so why bother. there are a multitude of reasons as to why we don't let it out, but none suffice us because the reasons we hide can't compare to the reasons why not to. we're just scared little sissies. well. i am. i'm a pansy. the nerves i feel when i have to sing in front of a crowd... it could make the strongest soldier's knees wobble. i get absolutely terrified. just thinking about it the butterflies in my stomach are starting to form a clique. or the vulnerability i feel when i show someone my paintings or drawings or songs i've written... sometimes ...it's just too much. 

but what would happen... persay... if we became a people that fully comprehended the idea that vulnerability begets other vulnerability? what would happen if we let out that inner child within us that aches to create something beautiful out of something ugly? what would happen if we put our focus not on politics, or bad memories or feelings, and focused solely on the good that could come out of it all? what kind of world would we live in? what would we do if we helped out our neighbor a little more? if we mowed their grass a few times a year, or raked their leaves, or baked them cookies? what would happen if we paid for a stranger's groceries, or gas a few times a year? oh the lives that we could change!!! simply thinking about it has me in a ball of excitement. you can't change the nation until you change your neighborhood. and that begins with us.

it all starts with we. with me. with you. with I. what would happen if i let other people read my songs that speak for me when words can't? what would happen if i let people hear me sing more often or if i drew something and gave it to someone who didn't expect it? what would happen if you let people see the you that sits so comfortably in your closed-in walls? what would happen if you let go of the past in hope for a beautiful future? how do we hope for huge change but resist it within our selves? we can't. it has to start with we. with you. with me. with we. i'm so sick and tired of these month-long passion binges we get on after church camp or after something great happens. we are on fire and then it sizzles to smoke that fleas shortly after. enough is enough. time is of the essence. Jesus is coming. and i refuse to be one of the people who tells him i didn't have enough time to show people who He is. i refuse to tell Jesus that i didn't use all the ounces of his greatness he instilled in me. i cannot. i will not. i'm made for great things. it's about time i started acting like it. 

you were made for great things - things unimaginable to any human. freaking act on it, already. we have to keep each other accountable. we're all we've got. Jesus is coming. maybe not tomorrow or in fifty years from now. but he's coming. and when he does. i will most assuredly NOT be the one saying i could have, should have, but didn't. 

no. time is off the essence. live right now. we were made for better things. 

live now.

fix you.

as i type, i'm staring at my guitar and listening to the dulcet voice of chris martin so sweetly serenading me from his song 'fix you'. this song, ohhhh this song. i think i'm on the tenth go-round of it, with at least ten more to go - a ballad that brings my soul to levels of familiarity previously forgotten. this past year has been extremely potent; filled with tremendous ups and flailing downward spirals that i, at times, wasn't sure i could make it out of. and yet, here i am....

words fail me when recollecting past times. times that fill me with unrestricted laughter, times where the butterflies in my stomach tended to fly in v-formation, and even times where i cried so hard i wasn't sure the swelling in my eyes would ever go down. ha. the moments that shaped me, molded me. some were amazing spirit-lifting times and some sucked balls. some made me radiant with a joy unknown to most humans and some left me in a rut that took months to smile after. but they were my battles and my battle wounds. and unfortunately, there were times where the ricochet caught close-by friends that i never intended to come anywhere close to fire range to begin with. and i think, more than anything, knowing others were wounded in my battle is the hardest to swallow. you see, it's okay if i get hurt - i'm aright with that. but when the people i care about the most get swept up in the destruction of it all, those are the memories you tend to be haunted by. and those ghosts pursue with a relentless passion; they don't mess around. ha. those are the sorrys that eat you alive; the ones where you know you don't deserve responses for. but i think somewhere, deeply ingrained in our minds we know, or at least we hope, that people are originally good. and that somewhere down the line we tend to get thrown off balance and it makes us to things that are absolutely retarded and out of character. how great then, to know that grace is sufficient in the end. how great to be able to cling to a hope that cleanses the blood-stained sheets to whole 1000 thread ct. satin white. to know that even if the people you love the most, who you've unmistakably hurt the most, can't clean the slate... that Jesus does. Jesus does. and afterwards - he completely and utterly forgets, as though it never happened. oh to be able to forgive with the type of forgiveness that coincides with forgetfulness. that is power. that is high power. and it is beautiful, and so hard to come by. mainly, because it's so undeserved. i'm at the top of the list of people who don't deserve that kind of forgiveness. and sometimes... it's just too much to bare. the reality of it all...it's just too much. but then i'm reminded that the deed is already done and all i can do is pick myself up, dust off the dirt, and trust that i'm not alone in the battle. that no matter what stupid ass thing i do - God loves me with an uncountable love that no mornoic thing i do could come close to taking away. 

he loves because he is.

he knows no other way. 

and sometimes...the knowledge of all of that is entirely too much for me to bare. and tonight, is most definitely one of those nights. 

may you all feel the warmth and assured embrace that i feel at this very moment. 

goodnight,

kami. 

gone gone.

i'm so ready to gooooo. 

i'm. so. flippin. ready. to be. gooooone from this retched town! 

all the papers will be in the mail in the next two days, and then the waiting process shall continue. but my part will be done, and that makes me happy. maybe even want to do a little dance. 

i'm only hoping the embassy is swift in us getting in and we can leave the country by roughly oct 25. i'd like to see what korean halloween is all about. hahaha. 

(definitely gonna make sure i get a mask before i leave.... it'd be fun to scare the little children over there. haha)

that is all. i hope you are all just booming with success and happiness. wow, that sounded like a pledge to enter into congress. 

good day all, 

kami

political schmitical.

I MISS COCA LITE!!!

but that's about all i miss of praha. well, the castles were cool to look at, but i can't say i miss the begrudging czech-a-roonies. 

*disclaimer: what i write will most likely annoy, aggravate, or plain just piss off a lot of other artists, as i knowingly jump into the known stereotype the world has on us... at least in the political aspect. OH...and please please please please for the love of hey-sus, do not respond to my post with how wrong you think my opinions are. i'm not looking for debate - if i wanted to, i'da called you by now. this is just my thoughts. ranting is what this here great blog is for. much love. 

continue if you want, but turn away if you already have bad feelings... ha. 

being an art major... i just flat out don't much care for political schematics. this is not to say i should care more, and really ought to, but growing up politics never really mattered to me. what mattered to me was whether or not i colored prettier than all the other people in my class, or if i could design my name in a cooler way than the other kids in art class could. i cared about creating things and delving into my imagination in every way possible. i also was, and still am absolutely in love with basketball. it is a game that flows through my veins. my entire family and really my entire childhood, evolved around sports and our imaginations. and really, politics never fit into that. there were no discussions on presidents or senators around our table. we didn't take family ski trips or an adventurous road trip to see where the president sleeps at night. the only times i even remotely discussed politics was in school, and even then i rarely spoke about it because i was too busy doodling where my notes should have been. 

all this to say, that my opinions have grown, but still remain the same in a sense. i'd be lying if i told you i could name all the issues going on right now. all i'm even aware of is the war in iraq and the plummeting stock markets. (three cheers for greedy little bastards!) anyhow, i salute all the people who do care about the politics, as it is crucial in the world we live in - and will continue to be undeniably significant in our future and will no doubt affect everyone from here on out. but really...as blatantly honest as i can put this - i just don't give a damn. i trust that God will put whoever is needed where he/she needs to be. i trust that my life will still go on as he intends it to go on whether or not palin sits in the oval office or not. my focus hasn't ever been politics and economy. and i'm aware this will affend some people...but really, my outlook on life extends far above what soul sits in the pretty little white house and which bill he/she decides to veto. i care about the NOW. i care about what i do or don't do that has an immediate and lasting effect on all those in my life and to come in my life. i care about my attitude and my outlook on every situation i come into. i deeply care about the people in my life and what i can do to make their lives better and happier. i care about expanding my knowledge in most all things... but not politics. i love to read. love it. but if you want to see haste tears ream from my eyes..you will put a book full of mass political news. the passion i have to create art runs and hides when i even see the word politic. the adrenaline that pumps in my veins when i play a close basketball game...it ceases when i hear news on what one campaign bashes the other about. i just. do. not. care. i should, i know this. but i don't. and i'm afraid, very well aware even, that nothing will change in that area. 

my focus is about the people in my life, the people outside of it, and how to positively affect the two. my focus is on Jesus and showing people that he is big enough to create the earth, but loves being small enough to sit with his creations; that he eagerly awaits the moment we look to him. my passion is music - it literally pulses in me. every beat, every effectual lyric, every knee-weakening bridge that i hear... i absolutely cannot get enough of it. my passion is art. in the creation of it, the witness of creation of it, the expression of it, the movement of it, the history of it... i cannot get enough of art. it is everywhere. without it, we are blank. our canvases are empty with no sight of color. i love the excitement i get when i pick up a paintbrush and see a blank canvas, knowing that what i will create is screaming within me to get out, and the feeling of accomplishment i receive when i finally let it out. art is without a doubt the best legal drug there is and the high it creates is very hard to come down from. i love how people see black and white; that gray rarely exists to most. but that even with a ton of white and a little of black, or visa versa, you still get gray. i love how people are ingrained with different facets that all represent the ounces of Jesus he instills in us, and that if we call upon them... he will be represented. even if we are unaware. i love old people. i think they are full of knowledge and stories that we are too vacuous to listen to. and i love family. and the idea of family. how we are hand picked to be with our families no matter the case. some are screwed up royally, and some seem seamless. but imperfections are there. and i love imperfections because they allows us to realize our vulnerability; our rawness that we've tried to hide since day one. how stupid. if we could only realize that vulnerability begets other vulnerability. 

i digress. the point of this rant was really to say i don't care too much about politics; that i think life is full of things we should put our focus towards with more immediacy than the term "republican" or "democrat". life is full of crap. why do we need to choose people to tell us this with their own selfish motives?? this is where my "liberal" thinking comes in: people will do what they want to do. they'll make wrong decisions and mistakes...but they are theirs to make. that's how we learn. we can do the best we can to help them avoid it, but judgement is absolutely NOT ours to make. not at all. we are all sinners. we're all screwed up - we are all damaged. so i guess the thing i've never understood is how does making other people and their belief on things...how does making them feel like shit help us become a 'united nation'? it just doesn't. i've thought and thought and thought about it... and it just doesn't. i've fallen into the mold of judging others because they don't agree with my thoughts on things or because they don't believe in God for one reason or another... but really... all i can do is play my part in this chess game and do the best i can to SHOW people my belief. actions. if we really wanted to become a nation under God... we'd start acting on it. because talk is cheap. and that's all i've heard my entire life. lennon and mccartney understood completely when the wrote let it be. 

just let it be. and enjoy the ride while you can. try to make positives out of your pictures. they're always there. we just gotta look a little harder for 'em... sometimes even with a microscope. 

much love from my living room,

kami.