d-day...in a day. ha.

i leave soon. very very soon.

an aurora of emotions i haven't remotely had time to soak up. as i lay here all i can think about is all i have yet to accomplish in preparing for take-off. ha. my room is a mess, my bags aren't packed, my lists aren't checked off, my people aren't hugged. 

good-byes suck. they just flat out blow; especially when i am fully aware of the transformations that are going to take place until the next meeting. that the faces i say bye to will be dancing to a new song next time we meet again. it is exciting, but disappointing to an extent in the fact that i won't be around to see their steps progress, or that they will not be beside me on my adventure as well. 

i think more than anything i am just absolutely grateful. so many people invest themselves in my life that aren't ever thanked or good gosh, rewarded in my circumstance! ha. anyone who can put up with me...willingly...deserves quite the medal. ha. so here is my last minute thank you. 

webster obviously didn't have you people in his life, or he would have made up better words than "thanks" and "you rock". but thanks....you rock.

next time i write, i will be sitting in a new home. 

cheerio,

k-webb

oh how he loves.

singing in church this morning, i decided i'd pay attention to the actual lyrics. the song selection was most definitely up to par. the latter song is one that has the capability to bring even the darkest demons into shutter mode. it was called "oh how he loves us." the story behind the song is unheard of. but the lyrics are whew... amazing. basically referring to the moment we come face to face with the Lord and how he wraps his arms around us with relentless pursuit of just holding his children.

anyhow, as i was devouring the lyrics, i couldn't help but to imagine how much pleasure it brought to Jesus to hear us sing those words to him. i imagined him dancing unabatedly over his people; with crazy intense unmanageable choreography. few songs have lyrics that reign true to the real meaning of what it means to come face to face with Jesus and the moments intertwining throughout, but oh how he loves us...it captures the very essence of those brief moments. 

you see, i've been dislocated for so long that i somehow along the way lost my desperation for the Lord. i grew so desperate to see his face and feel his matchless love, that i became weary of it's actual existence. the ambition i had to be sought out by the Lord was overshadowed by what i saw as the lack of it. i was so determined to wait for action by Jesus that i'd dismissed my own participation in the relationship. i couldn't hear the beauty of the silence because i paid too much attention to the surrounding chaos. but he was there. waiting on me. that's what i love so much about Jesus - he doesn't push us. he will wait until we are ready; the epitome of patience he is.  

these last few months i've had the chance, well..no other option, really, but to fall silent into the arms of stillness. i've been waiting to hear what it is the Lord wants to say...all but forgetting that sometimes he just wants to hold me. so i jumped. head first. with concrete shoes on into the arms of the one who just wants to love me. to wrap his arms around his broken child and let me know that i am worth so much more than i can comprehend; that sometimes it takes lyrics written by a hurting and confused soul to explain what it is Jesus wants to tell us. 

oh how he loves us. oh how he loves us so.

much love people,

k-webb

impact.

it seems odd to me that in 10 days i will be gone. all the familiarity i've grown to know in my 23 years will be futile and i'll be reluctantly forced to grasp onto this thing called "new". my heart is very unsure about this idea. sure we all embrace it once it has come and gone and we can look back on the learning experience of it all, but the process of it is one that on some days leaves you aching for the home you grew to know so well.

so as i reminisce, the one thing that is on my mind is if i made an impact. if i made a difference. because as far as i'm aware, the only person who will legitimately miss me is my motha...who...as we all know, has to. ha. i think i COULD have made a difference...and that i whole-heartedly intended to do so, but as i reflect back on my time spent here, i feel as though it was all for not. that not a soul will miss what it was i brought to the table. this makes me sad. (and trust i'm not self-loathing, this is pure frustration on my lack of showing Jesus more than anything) i'm not sad in the idea that i'm not going to be missed, but rather the impact that i could have had wasn't strong enough to leave its mark on the world to walk away changed. that i missed showing everyone i could as much Jesus as i could. 

you see, i am a screw-up. i mess up quite frequently. this is a character flaw i am very well aware of. i make mistakes that tragically ruin the impact i potentially could have had on people. sometimes with words, sometimes with actions, and sometimes with a mixture of the two. i get too emotionally attached in relationships and don't think clearly throughout them; sometimes damaging it entirely. and the harder i try to avoid these catastrophes, the more i seem to coward into them. 

i want more with my new life, though. i want to show the world a slice of Jesus they haven't EVER seen. ever. i know i'm capable of this type of impact; that Jesus is capable of using me to the greatest extent possible. that is something that goes without question, it is just a matter of me being able to let go of what i used to be, for what i CAN become; of letting the idea of who i WAS dissipate out the window and grasp on victoriously to the transformation of who i will become. 

there's so much i want to accomplish while i'm overseas. so many places to see and PICTURES TO TAKE and people to meet.  but aside from these, all i want to do is tell people about Jesus. to be so devoured in the holy spirit that itis recognizable the minute i enter the room, or coffee shop, or cobble-stoned streets. less than 1% of people believe in Jesus. over 60% are atheists and agnostic, and more czechs believe in UFO's than Jesus. 

so here is to hoping it goes up to 2% by the time we are done with it. 

dueces my people, dueces.

k-webb.

Czech One, Two.

Less than 3 weeks until I am off to the great abyss that is Europe. I started this to keep peops updated and post some pichas that don't always make it on my website. 

So. Here's to the wonderful road ahead.... 

Peace.

k-webb.